Still Hurts

6/15/2012 0 Comments

Tonight's writing session has shown me two things. First, that the right combination of human emotion and music can bring up all kinds of memories and make you cry before you even know why you're doing it.

Second, that no matter how much time goes by, you can still mourn the loss of someone you loved. They were right, you never really do recover, you just get better at coping.

Still, it's nice to see that I moved myself to some kind of emotion while writing, haha. Other than semi-dislike for the rough draft anyway.

I miss the way my grandma would talk to me. I miss how she would use the best manners when she ate out at restaurants. I still remember how excited she was the day Hannah and I took her to lunch at McAlpine's. She got out of that car with the brightest light in her eyes I'd seen in a long time. She shopped in that second hand store next door with a youthful happiness I hadn't seen before.

I wish I hadn't been so afraid of her illness in the last couple months. I'm not guilty, rather filled with regret so profound it aches when I think too deeply of it. Once I realized I was going to regret it, I worked to get closer to her despite my fear, but it wasn't enough time. I wish I could have done more for her. I miss her and I still love her so much. Time doesn't lessen anything.


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